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Didem Gurdur

I did not have the easiest life. I mean it was not unbearable but it could have been easier. Still, I think it is fine to have difficulties in life. As they say, if it does not kill you, somehow, it makes you stronger. I ended up being strong for that reason, I guess.

I am not going to tell you how difficult life can be for an untraditional woman who was born on a small island. Neither will I tell you how being a lesbian in the ’90s was not acceptable and coming out when you are 16 in that time was not the best idea. Not that I keep it to myself, I can easily talk about it and believe me it is not that dramatic. Human beings are not easy to break. We find a way to survive.

Since it is the end of the year, I want to let you know that I utterly, completely, truly hated 2018. I loved 2017 and will always remember it as a good year but it ended in a nightmare. I hated the end of 2017 as a start, but during 2018 I waited for a moment when things will change and get better. It moved to a good direction a few times and hit me even worse afterwards. At some point, I thought that I will die in 2018. I wouldn’t really be surprised, true story!

We lost loved ones in 2018, good friends, a family member, a child… I had the worst accident of my life which resulted in a head concussion and had to be rushed to emergency, thanks to our neighbours. I still wait for some test results that I am not sure how they will affect my life. I got scared in 2018, I felt miserable in 2018, I didn’t want to eat or drink or do anything, I felt a pain that I never felt before. I have been a shoulder too, tried to cover and recover (sometimes at the same time). I had enough reasons to be angry at 2018. And believe me, I know what difficult is. I was angry not because of difficulties but because it was not fair. We did not deserve to have many things that happened to us.

But, hey, we adopted a new family member, I managed to complete my Ph.D. studies earlier than planned, we bought our first apartment. I also have a wonderful opportunity for my future career that I am looking forward to. Life is never easy or 100% happy with rainbows and butterflies. At the end of the day, we survived this awful year. If you ask me, if I feel stronger, I am not sure about the answer. I am happy that 2018 is ending. Even though it did not only bring negative things only, it felt so.

So for 2019, I am hoping to have more positive news and achievements, as you all do. Not that I believe in new year wishes or so. Sometimes it is just good to know that there is an ending. I am hoping that this period is ending as the Gregorian calendar is ending. It is a good excuse to tie it to the 1st of January. I have a few wishes and goals for 2019, I will do my best to make them happen. But if it does not, it is good to remind ourselves that sometimes somethings just does not happen. I will try to be good to myself, you should do the same.

Have a good one people!

This entry was posted in Blog.